I guess I should start from the beginning... although that seems like a lifetime ago now.  This one is going to be a long one so here goes:

I must admit, I was scared to death.  Neither of us were ready for this - and we certainly weren't planning on having kids any time soon.  I had made up my mind after going through this once already that the next time I had a baby things would be done right. We would be married, have a house, and would have really planned things out.  Yet, here I was, about to break the news that a baby was coming.

Through my sobs he found out.  And all I got was "Baby, it's all going to be ok".  No fear, no hesitation.  That was it.  And since that moment it was settled.  It was all going to be ok.

We didn't break the news right away... Christmas was around the corner and we really wanted it to be special.  We made up cards to give to the family...

And then the word was out.  There was going to be a Baby Corvers!!  Everyone was SO excited.  The first few months flew by... we had our first ultrasound... and everything was perfect.

And so it began!!  The wait to find out what our little bundle would be!!  We started looking at names and trying to decide on something.  Man was that hard!!  We went through the ENTIRE baby name book... but we kept coming back to the two names that weren't even IN the book!!  Dryden Jacob and Lera Grace.  They were just... perfect.

Time passed (very slowly) until we finally were able to make the appointment.  The ultrasound was great, everything was normal!  Instead of finding out the gender at the ultrasound we decided it would be so much more exciting to find out with everyone else, so we waited.  And let me tell you, the week between the ultrasound and the Reveal Party was excruciating!!   I really didn't think we were going to make it, but especially BJ!  He wanted to know SO badly.

The day came and the cake was cut... it was BLUE!!

  

We were having a BOY!!!!!!!  Oh my GOD were we excited!!!  Dryden Jacob Corvers it was!!  I really cannot even describe the feeling at that moment!!!!  I wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once!!

Than came the 3D ultrasound... and we got to see our little monster's face... he looked JUST LIKE daddy.

After that, the checkups were normal, everything was closing in and coming together.  Until our appointment on May 21st.  That was when we heard the words no parent ever expects... "We think there may be a problem".  My whole body went numb.  We were sitting there joking and laughing one minute, and then ...

The doctor explained that they saw more fluid than usual in one of the Dryden's ventricles in his brain.  He assured us that nothing else looked abnormal and aside from the fluid he was a perfect baby.  He made an appointment with a specialist.  I cried all the way back to work.  How could this be?  What happened? But once again, without fear, and without hesitation, all BJ said was, "It's all going to be ok."  I tried to accept that and decided he was right.  It was ok.  The doctor said so - everything else was perfect.

We headed to the specialist fully confident that everything was fine, and it wasn't going to be an issue.  We did the usual intake stuff... and sat there waiting for the ultrasound.  The tech came in and started the ultrasound.  We watched in complete confusion and silence as measurements were taken.  Then they started entering the data.  We noticed that there were a lot of "abnormals" being checked off and all I remember thinking is, no... he said everything was perfect.  After the doctor finished her ultrasound she started talking.  And that is when we found out.  Everything wasn't perfect.  In fact - everything was just turned upside down.  Dryden didn't only have a little fluid in his brain, he had quite a bit.  And not only that... he had a spinal defect.  She started throwing out words I couldn't pronounce, much less remember... and I just stopped listening.  We just cried.  For the first time, I saw the fear... the hesitation... everything wasn't going to be alright.

I think I cried for days.  I didn't answer my phone... I didn't talk to anyone.  I was so angry.  Of all emotions to feel... anger.  How could this be happening?!  I did EVERYTHING right!!!  But there it was.  BJ and I didn't talk about it.  Neither of us really knew what to say.  Added to the fact that we both had stopped listening at some point, so neither of us could quite remember everything the doctor said.

The week between our appointments was hell.  Trying to get through the day was exhausting.  And every day, I'd get home and after putting Tina to bed, I'd just cry myself to sleep.  And then it came... the confidence that had been missing.  BJ came into the room one night and said, "No matter what, he will be perfect."  And just like that - I was ok.  I knew he was right.  I had him beside me, and we were going to get through this... together.

The appointments come and go now... and we have since learned the problems our little buddy will face.  He has a form of Spina Bifida.  It was a defect that was formed within only 26 days of conception.  Nothing anyone did caused it... we were the 1 in 1000.  The fluid on the brain was Hydrocephalus.  There are tubes that run the spinal fluid (which is created daily in the brain) down the spinal cord and keeps everything lubricated.  One of these was blocked creating a "backup" of the fluid in his brain.

The hardest part for us at this point is just knowing that our little baby will be having surgery within days of his delivery.  The first will be to correct the spinal defect and close the open sac.  The second will be to drain the fluid in his brain and place a valve and a tube inside that will drain into his stomach.  The rest is unknown. We really won't know the rest until he gets here.  And then we will only have an idea.  The true test will come as milestones begin to be achieved and progress is tracked.

One thing we do know though is... its all going to be ok.  No matter what.