We got to tour the NICU today and meet some of the staff that will be taking care of Dryden. We went over how things will go from check in to discharge. We talked about who would be allowed to see the baby, visiting hours, surgery... all of it.
I have to say... we were very impressed by both the staff and the NICU.
As a quick detour... Congrats are in order!!
Yesterday my nephew was born!!!!
Brody Kristian Bell
8 lbs. 11 oz.
For those of you who don't know... he's a pretty special baby. His father, my little brother Brad, died in December... two days after Christmas.
It's been really hard to deal with, but just knowing Brody was coming kept everyone going. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to meet him yet, but I really can't wait...
BACK TO DRYDEN...
We went for our weekly stress test/ultrasound today to check Dryden's progress. The great news is that nothing has changed. He is still growing (up to 5 lbs. today!!) right on track. They are keeping an eye on his left foot... they said they may see some inward turning in it but that since its so slight and so late, there shouldn't be much to worry about. While trying to get pictures of his feet though - which he NEVER wants to cooperate with - he did leave us this lovely picture...
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| Dryden's BUTT 6-20-2012 |
Now, I know to some people that is like looking at a blob of black and grey... however... the caption is correct - it IS his butt. He refused to show us his feet - but GLADLY showed us his rear... man our hands are going to be full!!
The doctor was pretty wishy-washy on delivering him at 37 weeks now. I still haven't gotten a clear answer on whether or not she is still on board for that. Which is a little frustrating when trying to schedule maternity leave and school starting for Tina bug and... well everything else! She just kinda left it as we will see how it goes... not very helpful!!
NOW ABOUT ME...
Everyone keeps asking how I'm holding up. And up until today, I can honestly say that I really have been ok. I've really been trying to be strong through all of this. I know there isn't anything that can change the situation, and I was determined that being upset about it wouldn't help anything.
Today that all went out the window. I think the reality of it all really sunk in and all those feelings came rushing back. The biggest one being, "It's just not fair." Please don't misunderstand... I'm not sitting around pouting and saying WHY ME. It isn't about me. My heart hurts for HIM. Knowing that he is going to be born and then rushed into another room and I won't be able to DO anything just hurts. When they were going through everything at the hospital today I really had to muster up every bit of will power to not break down.
I have no doubt in my mind that BJ will more than make up for any time I'm not able to spend with him... but that really only makes me feel more helpless right now. I want to fix him, I want to make everything better... and I won't be able to.
Sometimes even the strongest people are allowed a few moments of weakness. And even though I won't let myself in the presence of ... well anyone... I am still going to cry. It doesn't mean I'm going to wallow in self-pity or pity for Dryden either. It just means that 99% of the time I will continue to be Wonder woman... but there is that 1% of the time where I just need to be plain old me... no super powers.
Kellee,
ReplyDeleteEverything in life i have questioned. Why me? What did i do to deserve this? I hated the way my life went from better to the worst possible i could ever imagine. The difference between you and me is, for as long as I have known you, you have been able to take so much hurt, anger, stress, and anything life threw at you and turn it into something amazing. WHY? Because you have so much strength, and so much motivation in so many aspects of your life. You are strong Kellee, and I know that Dryden will be too, because he is YOUR son. He is going to take all of your strength and determination to make himself better. My nephew is 8 years old, he had fluid on his brain as well, and we were all told that he would possibly never walk. He walked at 8 months old, he progressed just as well as any other "healthy" child. Honestly, what is "healthy" anyway. Though he had surgeries to correct the fluid problem, he was such a little fighter. You are a fighter as well and I know that Dryden will be too. I am praying for all of you. Your nephew is adorable and resembles your brother so much. Your brother is an angel who is going to watch over Dryden and Brody and he is going to make sure that they are going to have more strength than anyone could ever imagine. I know that my situation is nothing like yours, but if you ever need to talk. Ill always listen.
Most of us Moms have to work like crazy to be Wonder Woman, but you come by it naturally! It's good to give in to those feelings every now and again, though, and it helps to put everything back in perspective. I'm glad I'm getting a chance to know you now, since we share the same best friend, ha ha ha!
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