Well, now here is something I just didn't expect. I have EMOTIONS! Yeah... I know... it shocked me too, but its TRUE. Unfortunately, it just means that every time Dryden cries funny, or looks at me funny, I cry and freak out and think something is wrong. *sigh*
Those of you moms who have dealt with SB kids, you know exactly what I am talking about. It's really been more about the VP Shunt than the SB though. For those of you who don't know... the hospital sends you home with a list of things to look for that will tell you if the shunt is malfunctioning or if there is an infection. You are supposed to go to the emergency room if you see any of these symptoms. However, these symptoms include things like,
1. Excessive sleep/drowsiness
3. Spitting up / vomiting
4. If his soft spot is sunken in or bulging
That isn't all of them... but just wanted to give you an idea. Now... those of you who have newborns... you will know that seems like an impossible task. How do you know if your infant is sleeping too much? And cranky... um... all they know how to do is CRY! Sheesh!!! So, the only thing I have heard from everyone as far as advice is, "You'll know if something is wrong. Mother's instinct." Well - that makes me feel like total crap in all honesty. I DON'T KNOW. I keep thinking EVERYTHING is wrong. I've called the NICU at least 3 times already. I called his doctor. I even brought him to the ER already thinking something was wrong. The only thing I have learned is my maternal instinct must be off because I don't just know.
The worst part is that I feel like everyone is going to see me as the girl who cried wolf. Everyone is going to write me off as the crazy over sensitive mother and when something really is wrong they won't help. But then I just say, well, it's better to be safe than sorry. I'd rather know and have peace of mind that he really is ok than not take him in and something have been wrong after all.
I'm sure I've driven BJ absolutely bonkers by now. I know I've driven myself nuts for sure. I'm hoping that I figure this whole thing out soon or I may not have my sanity!!
On another note though... Dryden really is doing well. The doctors say his wounds are healing nicely. Another thing to mention is that we were told when we left the hospital that it wasn't looking well as far as him walking because he didn't really seem to be moving his legs. Well, he is proving them wrong because he IS moving them. He definitely pulls them up, and he even extends one... not so much the other. But we start physical therapy this week, and I'm hoping we can change that too.
Dryden seems to have reddish blonde hair too... we aren't quite sure yet though. It seems to get lighter by the day. He looks so much like his daddy man. I don't know what in the world I had to do with making him. MAYBE his cute little nose... and if his eyes stay blue. Other than that... all BJ. What's funny is that everyone thinks Tina is BJ's too. They say she looks JUST LIKE HIM. haha Um... no!! She looks like ME!
We are so totally in love with this little dude. All of us. And how could you not be with a face like that?! Tina is such a big help with him and just in general. She makes me so proud. BJ is such an AWESOME dad too. I knew he was going to be, but he even surprises me with how much he is involved and the way he is with Dryden. You would not believe the love they share. It really melts my heart. I couldn't have done better in the daddy department. Or the significant other department for that matter. He is just amazing all around. I know I say that a lot... but I really do mean it. I've been in some crazy relationships ... not all terrible, but not all ideal either. I've never felt this right about everything before though. Very happy. Through all of the crappy situations we have been dealt, through all of the unexpected ... I'm still happy. That says something.
I'm pretty excited too... Friday we are going to meet other people / parents who have dealt with SB. They are having a Spina Bifida Awareness meeting at the Zephyrs game!! I can't wait!! Any help I can get in dealing with all of this is more than welcomed!!
This week starts the long road of therapy and regular appointments for my little man. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and send lots of love. My little ninja still has a ways to go.