Find Your Happy Place

So, something has come to my attention lately as I found myself looking in a mirror for the first time in a VERY long time.  And no, I don't mean glancing while fixing my hair or makeup (which in itself is a rare occurrence), I mean really LOOKING at myself.  I've come to the realization that I don't like what I see.  

I've lost myself somehow along the way.  I've been so caught up in what Dryden needs that I have neglected to care for myself.  I've gained a lot of weight... haven't been eating right... I'm depressed, I hate going out, I hate this version of me.  

We, as moms, get shoved into a role of taking care of our little people and get wrapped up in certain expectations that society shoves down our throats.  We aren't supposed to go out and have fun with friends.  We aren't supposed to want to be away from our kids.  We aren't supposed to miss our fun times and date nights.  Basically, we are supposed to not have lives.  

I used to be the chick with the awesome hair.  I used to be fixed up all the time... even when dressed down.  I used to be a kick ass singer.  I used to be BJ's biggest fan in the front row of every show.  I used to love hanging out with friends.  I used to be... me.  I don't know who I am anymore.  I've gotten wrapped up in society's BS and become nothing more than a mom.  Which is fine, in moderation, but when moderation takes a back seat and it consumes everything you are... well, that's where I am. 

Maybe there are moms out there that are fine with putting their entire being on hold until after they raise their kids, but for me, and for my sanity... I cannot become one of those moms.  I believe that, just as everything else, being a mom is a PART of who I am... not all of who I am.  

I want my kids to know that you don't have to give up everything to be a good parent.  Part of being a good parent is balancing everything just the right way.  You can't be an A+ parent if you aren't happy.  You can't have a healthy relationship if you aren't happy.  

I want to go hiking.  I want to go camping.  I want to go kayaking.  I want ALONE time with my man.  I want to sing.  I want to act like a fool.  Yes, I'll have a few drinks.  Sometimes my skirts will be a little too short for your liking.  Sure, I'll get up and sing karaoke on a whim.  Don't judge me... don't hate me.  Let me be me.  Let me live in my happy place.  

Starting now... I'm determined to get my life back.  Our lives back.  To stop giving in to what everyone else thinks I should be and just BE.  Life is too short.  Find your happy place before its too late!!!!  

One Happy Birthday Boy!!

Well, the cast is off and the brace is on!!!  It really isn't as bad as we thought it would be either.  It allows him to sit up without any issues.  

The first thing he did when we sat him up was look at his foot and go straight for his toes!!!  He hasn't seen them in so long he found them quite amazing.  

Most importantly... it allows us to snuggle with him.  He has been giving lots of hugs.  And he loves falling asleep on daddy.  It feels so nice to just cuddle up with him... even with the brace.  

We were originally told that the brace would need to be worn continuously for two weeks.  And after that it would just be naps and at night.  That has now changed to six weeks of continuous (20 hrs. a day) wear and we will go from there.  The doctor said that the hip looks good, and is in place.  If we can keep him in this brace and it really works, I don't mind a bit.  

In other news... Dryden is almost ONE!  Can you believe it?!  We sure can't.  I suppose since we were so distracted with everything going on, time just seemed to FLY by!!  

He's such a smart little guy.  SO eager to learn.  Now that he realizes that words mean things and signs mean things, he has just been going off!!  He wants to know everything!!  He knows a few signs now, and while he doesn't do them every single time, he certainly knows the words associated with them.  

He can sign: 

Milk

More

Dog

He can point out your eyes, ears, nose and mouth.  We have been trying to teach him to sign "ONE" for his birthday.  He does it sometimes... not all the time.  He can also clap... he doesn't quite turn his hands in correctly yet, but we are working on it.  He's starting to say a few more things, nothing solid (other than da da and bubba) but definitely making other sounds and trying to imitate.  My point in all of this is, he is pretty much caught up with all of his developmental milestones a "normal" one year old should do... and then some!!!!

Now that the cast is off, we are going to start working on sitting again.  He is pretty wobbly after coming out of the cast.  He not only has to learn to sit again, but he has to adjust the way he sits because he is not out of line anymore.  He used to sit in almost an S shaped position.  His hip was out of socket which would push him to one side, and he would lean to the other side to try to make up for it.  Now that his hip has been corrected, it may take a little bit to get him sitting again.  After that, we are going to start working on his crawling/pulling up on things/standing.  I am so excited to see what he can do!!

We are still fundraising for his stem cell treatments.  I must admit, it has been pretty frustrating thus far.  Lots of work goes into these functions, not just from us, but from the venues hosting the events.  It gets very disheartening when we plan these events and no one shows up.  But we are going to keep pushing and keep going and we will get him there.  We have met some amazing people along the way who are really trying to push and help us, so I have no doubts that Dryden will get his stem cells next year.  

I've already started working with his therapists to create a way to track his development, movement and sensation before and after the treatments.  There isn't anything out there that we are aware of, so we are in the developmental stages of our own program right now.  I'd love to be able to provide some scientific results that can be utilized by doctors, patients, etc.  If this procedure can help Dryden, it can help other people out there too.  And as we have said before, if we can help Dryden that is our first priority, but after that, if we can help someone else too... and give them hope, then everybody wins.