So, something has come to my attention lately as I found myself looking in a mirror for the first time in a VERY long time. And no, I don't mean glancing while fixing my hair or makeup (which in itself is a rare occurrence), I mean really LOOKING at myself. I've come to the realization that I don't like what I see.
I've lost myself somehow along the way. I've been so caught up in what Dryden needs that I have neglected to care for myself. I've gained a lot of weight... haven't been eating right... I'm depressed, I hate going out, I hate this version of me.
We, as moms, get shoved into a role of taking care of our little people and get wrapped up in certain expectations that society shoves down our throats. We aren't supposed to go out and have fun with friends. We aren't supposed to want to be away from our kids. We aren't supposed to miss our fun times and date nights. Basically, we are supposed to not have lives.
I used to be the chick with the awesome hair. I used to be fixed up all the time... even when dressed down. I used to be a kick ass singer. I used to be BJ's biggest fan in the front row of every show. I used to love hanging out with friends. I used to be... me. I don't know who I am anymore. I've gotten wrapped up in society's BS and become nothing more than a mom. Which is fine, in moderation, but when moderation takes a back seat and it consumes everything you are... well, that's where I am.
Maybe there are moms out there that are fine with putting their entire being on hold until after they raise their kids, but for me, and for my sanity... I cannot become one of those moms. I believe that, just as everything else, being a mom is a PART of who I am... not all of who I am.
I want my kids to know that you don't have to give up everything to be a good parent. Part of being a good parent is balancing everything just the right way. You can't be an A+ parent if you aren't happy. You can't have a healthy relationship if you aren't happy.
I want to go hiking. I want to go camping. I want to go kayaking. I want ALONE time with my man. I want to sing. I want to act like a fool. Yes, I'll have a few drinks. Sometimes my skirts will be a little too short for your liking. Sure, I'll get up and sing karaoke on a whim. Don't judge me... don't hate me. Let me be me. Let me live in my happy place.
Starting now... I'm determined to get my life back. Our lives back. To stop giving in to what everyone else thinks I should be and just BE. Life is too short. Find your happy place before its too late!!!!